The Compassionate Heart: Making a Difference in the World
Nellie Moore
©February 24, 2008 @ UU Society of River Falls

How do we come together as a community in the ways that Lewis speaks of? How do we make a difference in the world through the power of our loving and compassionate hearts?   I’d like to invite us to have a conversation about how we heal. As individuals and as a community working together.

I’ll start this conversation off by sharing some healing and support I’ve experienced as an individual. In 2004 my mother in law Frannie was diagnosed with colon cancer that appeared to have spread to other organs. At 97 she was given the options of surgery, radiation, or do nothing and go home. The doctors said that her age and after a lifetime of smoking she might now wake up from the surgery or even survive it. The fact that it had spread to other organs made it more likely the surgery was iffy. The radiation treatments would have only given her pain relief and not done anything to prolong her life. She had also been experiencing confusion on and off for the past couple of years of her life. When we told her what was happening she had a clear moment and said I don’t want surgery and uttered those famous Doris Day words Que Sera, Sera. Whatever will be, will be. After a lot of heartfelt searching about what was best for her my husband and I decided to bring her home to die.

There were many challenges and gifts caring for as died and Hospice and my husband made it possible for me to do so. They made it possible for our family to do so. She had her grandchildren around her, and her favorite things. Hospice pharmacists showed up at our door at 2AM to deliver pain medication that she needed. The nurses supported me when I called them at 11PM at night saying I was afraid to give her her medication because she was not swallowing well. They held our hands throughout the whole process and helped us to support her wishes in the best way we knew how.

It was one of the most challenging, and at the same time, the most rewarding things I have ever done or been privileged to be a part of. The healing in this for me was in opening my heart in a way and to a depth that I had not ever been able to do before. Caring for her for the last two years of her life, and then the last month when she was diagnosed with the help of hospice and our family was healing beyond words and that is the gift that caring and having an open and compassionate heart can give.

The blessings and gifts of it are immeasurable. And you are not even aware how much you are blessed by giving of yourself in this way. You think you are helping someone else. Meanwhile the unconditional love that you are sharing with that person comes back to you in ways you will never imagine. Her toothless grin as she expressed her gratitude to the hospice nurse and myself as she lay in her bed is something that I will carry always. Likewise, what they sometimes say about how you can tell the kind of man your husband is by the way he treats his mother is true. My husband helped me turn his mom, helped me give her pain medication, and helped change her soiled clothing. It was painful for him and he did it anyway. That’s the kind of healing that can come from having a compassionate heart.

In the bigger scope of things I see now my caring for Frannie gave me the wisdom and the strength to be able to be there for others in a much deeper way.

Within days of Frannie’s passing, my best friend called me to tell me that her husband had been diagnosed with lung cancer.  Brad and I were able to draw upon the strength of what we had been gifted from Frannie and be there for my friend and her husband. From going to the airport in Chicago with a bottle of oxygen as they flew home from Arizona, to driving them from Chicago to Collinsville IL, some 400 miles to the south so that he could die at his true  home. And then going to the funeral a couple of weeks later.

More recently Frannie has helped me with my sister as she moves through  her process with a brain tumor and other health challenges. And it has made me a much better healer. A gift I could never had known if I had not opened my heart to being there for her. It’s a gift that I am able to bring into my healing work. I don’t think I could have done it if my husband and family and hospice had not been there for me. They were my healing community.

Thank you Frannie wherever you are.

As a community, the women of the WyseWomen Community are in the process of adopting a women from a country wounded by war. Women who are often raped and brutalized. We’ll be supporting her healing each month with a monetary donation which will help her to rebuild her life and support her family, as well as learn a skill or trade. She’ll also learn how to be a leader in her family and in the community by advocating for her rights and those of other women. And for those women who desire it, we can write to them and offer our love and support.

This is through the Women for Women project that was started in part through the support of a Unitarian Board who told Zainab Salbi in 1993 when she came to them with this idea, you start the non-profit and will offer support to you. Since then she has helped over 93,000 women and given millions through the non-profit to help in the healing of these women, their families and the community.

This speaks to what a community can do. So I open this sharing to you now. How have you been touched by opening your heart, and how might you touch others. I would love to hear your stories.

I can cite some examples of this just to remind everyone how we rally around our UU community by making sure our members and the greater community experience caring. Members who are not able to drive can get here thanks to the assistance of others. We have made meals,  made prayers shawls, written  letters, made phone calls, helped to rebuild after Katrina, voted NO when our family in the GLBT needed our support and have lit  countless candles in support of community and healing.

Wrap up sharing what is possible from being willing to open our hearts, drawing from what has been shared.
Remind everyone that we have the Caring Circle that is a small group of within the UUSRF community that is available for support. Those members include Ted Tollefson, Gail Behr, Paula Lugar, Nancy Miller, Nancy Holden and myself. In addition, Tonya Schmitt and I have been inspired through the work of Lewis Mehl Madrona to start a Healing Circle here at our Society. The first gathering will be on March 8th at 10 AM. We’ll meet from 10 AM to Noon and have a potluck after. We’ll have these Circles every second Saturday of the month thereafter from 10 to noon with potluck after. At this first gathering we are inviting healers in the community to come early at 9AM so we can get together and learn more about one another and share ideas for future healing circles. The healing is open to all ages. Childcare is not provided and we ask that children are supervised and not come without a parent.

The Circles will include prayer, meditation, story telling, and various forms of healing depending upon who is leading for that month.

I am the contact person and my e-mail address is in the Bulletin if you have any questions.  There is a brochure on the back table that will tell you more.

I have a couple of examples of organizations that you can reach out to if you feel called. These include, Seva.org, Kiva.org, Heifer.org and womenforwomen.org   Please see me after the service for more information.

Thank you everyone for your sharing and wisdom and for making a difference in the world in all the ways that you have.