Romeos and Juliets
Rev. Nancy Holden
© 2007, May Day

Friends, I stand before you today, a butterfly halfway out of the cocoon.  Two weeks ago the Midwest Committee of the UUA grilled me about theology, UU polity, and religious education.  I didn’t tell those esteemed persons that Pastor Ted had filled me in ahead of time on all of them—who they are and how they think.  Finally they gave me their blessing, and I am now officially a candidate in process toward full Fellowship in the UUA.

And glory be, it’s May Day—an ancient observance with many different traditions, born out of different places and historical times.  In much of the world it’s International Labor Day, with parades in celebration of labor.  On college campuses it’s frisbee time, shorts, halters and sandals, time to fire up the outdoor grill and show off  beautiful or not so beautiful bodies.  In Dog Patch it’s Sadie Hawkins Day, when girls chase the boys.  In high schools it’s prom time, these days involving thousands of dollars of dress-up clothing, flowers, and limos.  In military circles May Day can be another word for HELP!—an SOS.  In much earlier tradition it’s Beltane, spring, fertility rites, the birds and the bees, a time when forest creatures give birth and human creatures wander into the fields and meadows to commune with nature.

Years ago I heard the great anthropologist Margaret Mead speak about “coming of age.”  She said the onset of adolescence has been happening at an ever younger age in the western world. During each decade for sometime now, adulthood for that generation of children has been arriving about four months earlier in their lives.  The speeded up development means that boys and girls of this decade are becoming sexually mature more than a year sooner than it happened to us present-day geezers.  I expect that current research confirms Dr. Mead’s belief, and the causes of this phenomenon may have been identified.

In 17th century England, during the life of Shakespeare, the human lifespan was compressed into a much shorter time than we expect to enjoy.  Adolescence consisted of only a few years, maybe a third as long as it is for us.  Boys and girls became men and women, fell in love, and married as teenagers.  The original Romeo and Juliet, as  pictured in the mind of Shakespeare, were probably in their mid-teens.  That just cannot happen in our time.  Maturing in their early teens, today’s youth fall in love long before it’s appropriate for them to get married and start families.  We call it puppy love.  If the speed up of maturation continues, puppy love will begin in the fifth grade with lots of eager puppies whose bodies and brains are out of sync.

A tsunami of teenage sexuality has been rolling toward us for a long time now, causing parents and teachers to start scrambling for help.  Five years ago the UUA responded by creating OWL, Our Whole Lives—a comprehensive RE curriculum about sexuality.   Is there anyone here who’s worked with the OWL program or seen the OWL literature?  I haven’t but I hope to.  Training for teaching OWL will be offered in a few weeks in Minneapolis.  If you think our RF society would benefit from offering this program, talk to Pastor Ted about it. 

In Shakespeare’s play about the star-crossed lovers,  the conflict is not about teenage sex or unplanned pregnancy—it’s not about any issue of sexual morality.  The conflict is true love against adult control.  Juliet is the property of her father, who plans to use her as capital for his political purposes.  Her love for the handsome Romeo is just an inconvenient truth for Father Capulet.  At no time does he give any thought at all to his daughter’s feelings.  In the power play between them he has all the power, and Juliet is left with control only over her own body.  So the stage is set for the final tragedy of her death. 

Right now in 2007 America we live in a time of severe regression.  Our youth have been and are being used by adults as ruthlessly as anything the Capulets imagined.  For decades we made great progress in the liberation of women through enlightened social attitudes and birth control.  Now, under the guise of morality and protection for the unborn, right-wing forces teach shame and advocate intentional ignorance, the very opposite of the values built into the OWL program.  Right-wing religion in particular fights against birth control, preaching abstinence to the young while adult men pop Viagra.

Meantime in another sector of our culture, the beauty of Romeo and Juliet is lost in dehumanized, degrading forms of sexual exploitation.  Women are once again simply objects, marketing their flesh, not out of need but out of the distorted belief that their bodies are the most valuable part of them.  I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I am appalled by the exhibitionism that’s now everyday fare on television—bodies on display like pleasure boats or new models at the auto show.  This is not the moralistic Methodist talking, but the UU butterfly, respecting the inherent worth and  dignity of all persons.   

Memory can play tricks on us, but I have very clear memories of my teenage world.  Adolescence in the fifties is portrayed in the movie and musical Grease.   They got the outer details right, the bobby sox and ducktail haircuts, but the behavior is wrong.  Yes, we did jitterbug and we did scream at the pep rallies, but very few kids drank alcohol and none did drugs, not even pot.  Yes, we did occasionally ride around in cars acting crazy, but very few actually had cars and I never saw a single drag race.

Above all, sexual behavior was nothing like what you see in Grease.  The free love habits of the 60s were inappropriately planted in that story, maybe because it was produced by people born at a later time.  They imagined that we must have been repressed, eager to act out sexually when adults were not looking.  In fact we were innocent and child-like, playing at the business of sex when we barely knew the facts of life.  My high school class will have their fifty-fifth reunion this year, and I would bet those remaining old folks would confirm what I’m reporting this morning.  Puppy love, whether it starts in the fifth grade or in senior high school, is a beautiful thing, not a furtive backseat business. 

The love of Romeo and Juliet did spring from their awakening adolescent sexuality, but it was profoundly spiritual as well, a passionate fixation on the one who was, for each of them, the only one.  Their relationship is one of adoration, purity and innocence.  Shakespeare gives us a classic model of the melding of sexuality and spirituality, of two people becoming one in body and spirit.  This is a deathless message.  At least in the English-speaking world, Romeo and Juliet will teach us the beauty of love forever.  It is a remarkable thing to see that the more moralistic our public dialogue becomes, the less our personal relationships contain these qualities of mutual respect, innocence and spirituality.   

Now it happens that I have a grand-daughter who will turn eighteen in about a week.  She fell in love almost two years ago with a fellow classmate.  Both of them will graduate this spring, and Emily will begin her college career in the fall.  Their whole lives (remember the acronym OWL means Our Whole Lives) are focused on finding ways to be together though they live miles apart, and visioning for the future when they intend to get married and live happily ever after.  The father of this Juliet has never thought of her as his property.   No one has ever lectured her about the dangers of sex, or tried to control her behavior.  Instead, they’ve done their best to educate her and demonstrated trust in her self-respect, intelligence, and responsibility.

On this May Day I celebrate that respect for the inherent worth and dignity of my grand-daughter.  I celebrate the wisdom and courage of the Unitarian/Universalist Association in creating and implementing the OWL program.  I rejoice to see our young people proud of themselves, accepting the monumental changes that come with this time of life.  I hope and pray that we will not waver in our dedication to welcome the gift of sexuality, making rational decisions that honor all life and nourish ALL truly loving relationships.

As I spread my wings, accepting another kind of change, I think back upon my lifetime of confusion and struggle, wishing somebody had given me the good beginning we now have ready to extend to today’s youth.  And I look forward to a time in our nation in the very near future when the enlightened attitudes we need and deserve will emerge out of the dark clouds of fear and moralism.  As we dance around the Maypole today, we move in keeping with ancient celebrations, merging body and spirit with the reawakening world around us.  Rejoice, give thanks, and sing!